It was a Thursday at around 2pm when I started drinking. All my classes past 11:30am were cancelled because it was the day of a football game that started at 7:30pm. Here at West Virginia University we get out of class so we can spend money on alcohol and drink it all day. Why else would they designate a parking lot for students to drink beer right by the stadium? So all day I did my duties that my university tells me to do. By 8:30pm I was starting to get a hangover. Left at half time and got some more beer. It's the only way to cure a hangover, kids. So anyway, who are those scary looking people in that picture you ask? It goes something like this:
It's around 12:30am, I am walking with two of my boys from home to find a party on Grant Avenue with a Budweiser can in my sweatshirt pocket. I come across some people with nice camera equipment...
ME: Hey, what are you guys filming?
THEM: We are with PBS and doing a story on underage drinking in college and looking for some drunk people.
ME: Oh yeah?
PBS: Yeah, and thanks to you we did.
I then pull out my Budweiser can and crack it open so fast it starts to foam out. I chug it and slam it on the ground.
The cops I didn't even realize were there immediatly rushed to me and that was it. My one friend ran back like a little girl and the other slowly just vanished away. I was busted. The dude told me it was an insult to him to behave like that, and it was. He threatened me with all this shit to scare me and I really didn't care because I knew I was still going to get a ticket so this guy could meet his quota. I politely told him to do what he see's fit since he is the one in the uniform and I am the drunken idiot. He said he'd take it easy on me. I got the ticket and it said underage posession. He said just call the number on the back in the morning and it will be a fine. I'd get 90 days to pay it.
I went back and found PBS because I wanted to kill them. But instead they kept interviewing me and I loved it. I signed my life away and told them they could use all the footage on TV. Then I got their picture. Now I can't run for president. That tape will come up and I'll be labeled a drunk. OH NO!!!!
I am broke and have been for two weeks now. I ate 3/4th of pretty decent sized pumpkin candle and threw up last week for $23. I got to feed the kids somehow. I even tried to sell my $85 math book since I dropped the class but they wouldn't give me any money for it. So now I use it as a plate (thanks mary for the hot pockets, and giving me the key to a good smelling bed). I am on my own financially and know I don't have home or family to fall back on. I figured I could somehow come up with the cash. So I call, and the lady tells me that underage posession requires me to go to court on the day specified on the ticket. One kid got the same thing and it was $125 fine with 6 hours AA meetings and 6 hours community service. Another said it was just a $300 fine. Great. I'll find out November 16th when I go. I have a donate button for PayPal in the left under the navigation if you feel the need to help a poor white boy with a website out.
I hope I don't screw my life up end up smoking blunts everynight and selling $1 hotdogs on the street untl 4am like this guy, "The HotDog Man".
It's always cool to go to a party where people beat others with giant light bulbs that resemble badass lightsabers in the middle of the road.
Remember Master D from the post below? Well don't mess with him, his bodyguard is still in the mafia.
OK, I am going to go study. Then eat some leftover cafeteria food and clean my face with dirty boxers I found in the stairwell.
One last thing, check out Boris on Morris. He even has a beer named after him. I hope PBS names a beer after me. Those bastards.
I started to type out a story on how I know Master D and got his beats but I decided to not waste your time. So I am just going to let you download the 6 tracks he has made right now. I named all the songs what I thought they should have been because he never gave me any.
