So I guess I will start this post talking about the fight I got in when I went down to Morgantown two or whenever weeks ago. It was my friends birthday the day before and he was having a party Saturday. The party ended up being all guys and one girl who later became the toilet paper queen. So this guy walks buy, a local Morgantowner. He buys a cup and starts drinking. No one knew him. We started talking and he said every night he goes to a random keg and gets drunk then walks around with a six pack to other random parties. This kid was a twenty year old sophomore business major who seemed like he hit the crack pipe 2,000,000 too many times. He was rather easy to make fun of, but it was all in good fun. He actually made the party fun for everyone.
So we are all getting pretty drunk and he is talking about getting thirteen year olds drunk or something and I was like you get thirteen year olds drunk and try to do them man that is nasty. Then another kid who I know from back home said something and the kid flipped on me. He pushed me out onto the sidewalk. I grab/hold him so he can't hit me or anything. I say, "Man, are you seriously trying to do this?" He keeps trying to get his hands free to hit me. I repeat it two more times. So after three warnings, I get him into a headlock with my right arm and jack him in the face three times with my left. My fist hitting his nose and watch hitting his eye. He pushes himself off me and I see blood pouring out of his nose. I then say, "See man, I didn't want to make you bleed." I then realize his blood is all over my clothes and my hand. I tell him to get the hell out of here and he walks away gushing blood from his face. I washed up and changed clothes and continued to drink with all guys. Dude comes back 15 minutes later with a really messed up looking face, blood all over clothes and in mouth. He says he is sorry and it is water under the bridge. I should have felt bad but I didn't. I yelled at him for getting blood on my polo and told him it would be better if he left and didn't come back. I wish I would have been in the right mind to realize taking his picture was necessary for my website. A little later they took the second keg to a different party and it was pretty straight.
My mom was doing her laundry and picked up a few things from my floor to make a full load. She found the polo and thought it was paintball. She washed it which ruined it. I was going to try peroxide and cold water. I told her the true story and now she thinks I just run around fighting people. Like I have said before, I don't make war, I make websites. Sluut.
So I guess George W. Bush was at Woodburn circle today or yesterday. I miss pissing my name on Woodburn's walls.
The ToddMorrison.com I-Team Investigations has new exclusive pictures of Adam Griswalt-Johnson Dump Maestle bonging a 24oz Natty Ice. Get it ready Staley. Open up wide Dumpy. OK guys, give it a rating 1 to 10! You guys are no fun.
Today is the 4th of July. I am so excited I already shit my pants twice and I am feeling a third coming on shortly. Last night we went to see fireworks and I swear they were over before I finished my first beer. Working at a grocery store this weekend sucked ass, too. I have to work at 4:30 today and I am closing. I did last year and most people come in wasted to get more beer and buns. It is definitely one of the shittiest days to be alive for me. My mom is working. We don't own a grill, or buns or shit to cook. So it looks like my 4th of July meal will be the usual shit.
HAD TO STOP POSTING TO GO TO WORK
PART 2 - TUESDAY JULY 5TH - 1:00PM
Remember my problem with the wireless internet? Having that weird UK power adapter that needed more power and had weird plugs. I posted my problem on a forum here. I got so excited when someone replied with the answer of buying this that I had a little poopie accident. A total of $45, 3 packages, and 3 weeks had brought me to a stop. The travel converter didn't fit the plug like it was supposed to. I used an old Netgear adapter I had but all it was good for was a super-duper-ultra laser beam gun 5-9er delto piece of shit. When I plugged it in I thought it was going to blow my house up. I bought a don't blow your house up white box extender to prevent that. Nothing worked in the end. So I give a BIG FU to that slut on the forum, the stupid converter, and the piece of butthole crap access point. Shortly after that I got bored and beat the shit out of the access point and threw it next to a computer I beat the shit out of and some K'NEX. Don't mess with K'NEX.
Chad got a flat tire one night and we didn't know where we were to get AAA to help us. We had Ninja Nic with us but he just sang a few songs and flashed us with his shoes. Too bad Super Mike didn't fly to our rescue.
I caught B having sex with a deer one night. It died shortly after. He denies all of this but I busted him with photo evidence. B, say cheese!
Tip of the moment to make my website look cooler: Don't put frozen foods that need baked into the microwave. Only the fries will taste half good. Now put your boners away.
I had never seen one of these before. I got kind of excited when I saw Mikala holding that gun full of fragrance power. We used it on her sweet van. It didn't work too well.
This is the second day of me trying to finish this post and I am getting tired of it.
Some of you stupid slut bags guys have been with me for a while now reading my stories. I am 19, over the required age to legally show you my meat. To give back to all you I am going to show you my meat. It has gotten pretty big and heavy in the recent months. Kind of smelly and sloppy at times. OK, here they come. I have a few different shots of my meat so be ready. Here's the shaft, a hard on, lots of my friends meats, and total deliciousness. I don't want all of you fine ladies to call me all at once now you hear?
I got a popsicle as a tip for carrying out groceries and realized it was one of those joke ones I haven't eaten since I had a real family 13 years ago. I took it to the bathroom and pulled out the old piss while eating trick. What a stupid joke.
And last, don't color things with a sharpie when you get bored. Especially when your wrists touch it when you type. Damnit I am stupid.
I am going to Boston from Wednesday - Sunday. And I probably won't post those pictures for a while. You know how I do it. Time to cut the grass and then go to work again. 6th day in a row. Thank Todd it won't be as busy now that people aren't out having lovely family picnics while I bag their groceries.
